GET A JUMP ON THE FALL WEAPONS....I MEAN FASHIONS

I just received an important delivery in the mail the other day. It's a delivery that I look forward to every couple of months and have been meaning to tell you all about. I've been planning on writing a post about this for quite some time but honestly I wanted to make sure that I put forth the time and effort to do it right. That's how much I care about this particular item. What could dannyfresh be so passionate about...what could possibly make him take the time and effort and then mention that very time and effort as he was expending said time and effort? CABELAS CATALOG. Fuck that hipster ladbook Vice, forget GQ, forget indie name- brand gear being flaunted in the newest Flaunt..CABELAS IS THE TRUTH. I first discovered this catalog as a youth when I spent my summers in upstate New York, and actually owned a compound bow. I would look at the catalog not for the sweet clothes but for the knives and insane weapons [little dudes just like weapons]. These days, I spend a lot less time shooting animals and pay an unfortunate amount of attention to clothes. That being said, it was part of my RED state past that reintroduced me to this gem of a catalog: it's all due to My hick uncle who lives in an extended trailer outside of Houston, Texas - Uncle Ray. Well, Uncle Ray likes making his own jerky, hunting deer, and fishing for catfish. When he visits New York for the holiday season he comes carrying a bag full of eye shattering racist comments, and also a couple gift certificates to Cabelas. Basically I was forced to reopen this Catalog and buy some shit or else my Uncles hard earned 40$ would go to waste. But Bro, you will be thoroughly surprised and amazed at how much 40 bills can get you in this bad boy.....I'm serious y'all need to hit it up online. But if you're too lazy let me bless you with some of your options. Remember this isn't just a magazine of incredible clothes, but also a complete [yet terribly sad] lifestyle catalog. Here are a few suggestions:

So you forgot to slip on a condom and you knocked up a red state corn fed chick? Guess little dudes a keeper. You know he's got them red state genetics so you mind as well embrace it. Cop little man one of these outfits. Just make sure to tie him to a tree or something if you let him outside; if the little fucker runs off in that camo you'll never find him.


Do you want to shoot things but are too fat and lazy to stand, or even lay on the ground to do so? Pick up this sweet little number. It has a TV dinner tray attached! More Meatloaf please.....How convenient is that.
















I Don't know what this does but I'm sure it hurts. I'm also sure it gives the hunted animal a "sporting" chance.













I know what you're thinking, "but what about my gay outdoorsy friends?" Look no further: ultramax cowboy load bullets. Perfect.


What's that? You haven't seen a crossbow in awhile?... KAAZAAAMMM!!!











How bad do you want to close the hatch on this contraption and roll these two idiots down the hill.
















But dannyfresh, once I kill the animals what do I do next? Easy. Just shove it through this thing and it's a ready to grill.

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Don't forget to check out the amazing deals in the "Bargain Cave"......Oh man I could do this for days...........