U. S. OF FUCKIN' A

I know some people spent their extra long July 4th weekend in the hamptons, or fire island or some fancy shit. Not me. Nope. I basically camped out in brooklyn for the last 4 days. My phone died after day one. Brazil choked by day two. My underwear crashed out by day three. No worries, i hit up the local pharmacy for some tighty whiteys, a pair of socks and was ready to roll. Next I double day beached it. Beach day one: Jones Beach dodging an actual hyperdermic needle in the sand. Beach day two: Borrowing a pair of the Zark's 1992 vintage Nautica swimming trunks in order to take a dip in Brighton Beach and consume a plate of Siberian meat dumplings on the boardwalk. By day four At least 3 cases of beer were personally consumed and at least 4 different rooftops frequented, including: one that the landlord hired a biker gang [wearing Deutschland t-shirts] to work security - German bikers apparently don't give a shit if your Bro's really want to see the fireworks..if they say the roof is closed - the fucker is closed, And another roof where paully p and I watched a fat drunk asian girl with zero rhythm or flexibility doing the tootsie roll and a bunch of hasidic jews huffing blunts as bottle rockets whizzed by. I finally made it back to the crib last night only to find that all my plants were extremely close to death, my dad was drunk and the A/C was busted. God Bless America.