BRMS FIELD STUDY

Exhaustive research over the past few weeks has uncovered my top five most favorite activities when severely intoxicated:
1. Waiting until I just cant get any drunker, then smoking a spliff on the street, then purpetrating the world's thinnest facade of composure
2. Paying for each drink with a fresh $20 bill and stuffing the change in a new pocket each time.
3. Attempting to jump through my foot as though Im trying out to be a dancer for Kid n Play. Failing.
4. Bringing group conversations to an awkward halt by (a)making irreverent comments with indiscernable sarcasm (b) losing motor control of my tongue and jaw (c) losing my train of thought/trailing off into an uncomfortable silence (d) a combination of the above
5. Falling a sleep clutching an uneaten grilled cheese with tomato and bacon