PLASTIC BAGS WILL EAT YOU

I feel bad. I made fun of Tyra banks because she's afraid of Dolphins. Who knew they were the only other species on the planet besides humans who rape each other? Sorry Tyra. But the real reason for my apology is because i too have a fear of something seemingly innocous. I am terrified of plastic bags. Not just any plastic bags, but them crazy joints that you see on a windy day on the corner ominously circling. I know some of you can only think of American Beauty when you see those flying bags, but i see an amorphous attack weapon. Those things are unpredicitable and straight filthy. [i believe they are the distant relatives of the amphibious Diaper Shark]. You think i'm crazy? Well listen; One day i was walking down 23rd street with a fellow Bro. Now this Bro is kinda goofy and uncoordinated to begin with. We were heading down the street when i noticed a group of bags whipping around on the corner, one was trying to lay low but i could see it was dangerous. Well the Bro was yapping in my ear as we walked, but i stayed on high alert, trying to predict any possible assaults...then without warning the wind picked up and that bag that was just chilling did a summersault, flew in the air and straight swallowed dudes face! It was insane. He staggered backwards and grabbed at his face like one of them joints from Aliens was trying to kill him. He finally pulled off the bag and gasped for air [At this point i think i pissed myself]. So now you see that my fear was justified. Oh, i'm also afraid of Bro Joel's roof cause it has two creepy abandoned bathrooms, one of which i'm positive Candyman lives in. N-E-R-V-O-U-S.