HEY JUDGE.....YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

SO… kids finally got admitted to the Bar last week…that’s right, this fool right here is a lawyer. But before I could get admitted I had to go through what they call a “character and fitness” interview. Judging from the name of the interview…shit wasn’t lookin good for this kid. Apparently these interviews last from 2-5 minutes….mine? Well, mine lasted a solid 45. Because I’m known to make real solid decisions, I decide to take this Xanex to the face before the interview. I’ve got no food in my stomach, no water, a bit of a hangover, basically, I’m straight TWISTED. No joke, my hands felt like they had concrete mittens on, and my legs were wobbly as a motherfucker. Fully bearded out, and confused as to whether I was floating or sinking, I roll into this interview where Judge Weiner is waiting for me, and believe me this dude was a full on penis. Things are going real smooth until my man Weiner finds my relatively long, but pretty innocent, arrest record. As he starts going through the random assortment of charges, he realizes that there’s a second page. As we’re nearing the end of page two, he leans back, crosses his arms lookin like he just figured out who shot JFK, and says, “You clearly have a drinking problem.” Not knowing that this was a question I kinda just stare back at the dude. After an awkward couple of seconds my man says,“Well, do you have a substance abuse problem, sir?” In my head, I’m thinking not really but this Xanex has got me melting into this effin chair bro. After what seemed like twenty minutes I simply responded, “Noooooo Waaayyyy Maaannn.” Anyone need a lawyer?