MY STARTING FIVE

This Bro has beeen playin' Ball for a long time. There is nothing quite like heading to the park, finding some courts and playing basketball for a couple hours on a sunny day. Through years of participation, wins, losses, good games, bad games and everything inbetween, I have been able to identify several types of street ball players that can be found at ANY and EVERY court...Now this list is far from comprehensive, and I'm not even gonna take into account that Rucker/And-1 type baller, cause that's on some other level, but what I mean is that if you head to your normal basketball court in an urban area you will definitely find these dudes. You may not believe it, but if you put these 5 guys together on the same squad..they will run the court. My starting 5:

Dominican smooth:
This latin mutherfucker was a pretty boy in highschool but was too skinny to really pull game. He's the first dude to bitch about getting fouled no matter how soft the contact, but will act real ignorant if you call him for slapping you up. 9 out of 10 times dominican smooth is wearing a pair of white air force ones and white socks with some crucially skinny ankles. If there is more than one of these dudes on the court at once then the game will take at least 2 hours cause they will not stop arguing. [not to be confused with Dominican Lou.]

Old School:
This guy is kinda my man. He maybe could of played D1 back in the day but the booze and crack combo caught him hard. He was definitely homeless at some point in his life and he may now live on that very basketball court. He's usually missing at least two teeth and reeks of Old English. My man is probably a lefty and has the sick Jumpshot off back board that is unguardable. As soon as the game is over he will try to bum a smoke from you. That's my man.

Billy Ho'
This is that white dude who comes to the court looking like he borrowed every item of clothing from a different person on his way to the park. Overly nice ("hey man what's your name?") and with double ankle braces and one of those larry bird behind the head releases on the jump shot that is un blockable. He may have played D1 at Iowa or gave up his basketball dreams to go to med school due to family pressure.

Baby Daddy:
This kinda plump black dude comes to the court with a mouth guard and cell phone plus his baby and baby momma. Baby momma will sit on a park bench looking REAL bored while his daughter restlessly climbs all over the place. Through out the game he'll stop play to tell his daughter to stop acting a fool. He will also make and/or receive at least 5 phone calls throughout the game.

Kurt Rambis:
This older white man ranges in age between 35 - 65. He may or may not have protective glasses and a knee brace but definitely has the sick boxing out technique and will catch even his own teammates with his bony-ass elbows and knees. Kurt Rambis will set a screen that will straight dislocate your jaw. These dudes are the worst to play against cause they will bruise you to death and are the only guys known to dive on asphalt for a loose ball.

Honorable mention:
The Big Sweaty:
Please put your shirt back on. I don't think i need to say more.
The Big B.O.:
Likewise.
The Big Debacle AKA Joey D.
I have only encountered one dude in my lifetime that balls like this. The only way to describe it is if you took a 5' 10" white dude with a belly and a slight case of bi-polar disorder and had him smoke a sick amount of meth before going to the park. He will keep score the entire game and consistently get it wrong - in the other teams favor. At times it seems as if he has lost both hearing and vision as he attacks the rim with a series of left handed sideways runners in the lane. However just when you start to underestimate the Big Debacle, he will hit you with the spinny cross over and break your ankles. He is hands down the most irrational baller ever.