I made an important observation at work the other day. However, I have to preface this observation with three things (1) My father's Jewish, making me half-Jewish (2) I work at a talent agency which is pretty much the epicenter of Judiasm…and (3) JEWS HAVE THE WEAKEST STOMACHS in the World. Never in my life have I seen more people leave work claiming "food poisoning." Oh, Noah from the legal department doesn't feel good huh?? Let me guess…….food poisoning? How the fuck can you claim to be the "chosen people" when you miss three days of work every time you eat a California roll. What the hell is wrong with you and your weak-as-shit stomach? I have never had food poisoning in my life and I stay eating at them greasy spoon, roached out, rice and beans spots. Don't get me wrong, I like Jews, I even love my cheap-ass-shit, self-loathing Father…except that time he flew down to New Orleans to see me in college and hit me off with a crisp ten dollar bill…does it look like I'm smoking them bobos and a quick ten spot is what I need?? Sure I could cop a rock from some dudes on Oak street….but Dad, are you really setting the right example??? Jerk. As much as I love Jews, I refuse to accept the fact that as a people, their stomachs are gay. Of course, now that I've written this, I'm definitely coming down with the sickest, life-threatening food poisoning ever…..thanks Dad.
I made an important observation at work the other day. However, I have to preface this observation with three things (1) My father's Jewish, making me half-Jewish (2) I work at a talent agency which is pretty much the epicenter of Judiasm…and (3) JEWS HAVE THE WEAKEST STOMACHS in the World. Never in my life have I seen more people leave work claiming "food poisoning." Oh, Noah from the legal department doesn't feel good huh?? Let me guess…….food poisoning? How the fuck can you claim to be the "chosen people" when you miss three days of work every time you eat a California roll. What the hell is wrong with you and your weak-as-shit stomach? I have never had food poisoning in my life and I stay eating at them greasy spoon, roached out, rice and beans spots. Don't get me wrong, I like Jews, I even love my cheap-ass-shit, self-loathing Father…except that time he flew down to New Orleans to see me in college and hit me off with a crisp ten dollar bill…does it look like I'm smoking them bobos and a quick ten spot is what I need?? Sure I could cop a rock from some dudes on Oak street….but Dad, are you really setting the right example??? Jerk. As much as I love Jews, I refuse to accept the fact that as a people, their stomachs are gay. Of course, now that I've written this, I'm definitely coming down with the sickest, life-threatening food poisoning ever…..thanks Dad.
7 Comments:
Johnny's taking a beating from you fuckers. Ease it up a bit - Karma's a sneaky bitch. Then maybe Dan won't have to personally "look after" his Pops and PaullyP won't croke of gastric issues from eating some sloppy gefilte fish. That is whenever the next time you people have to eat that shit. ewwwwww.
i don't know what the fuck you're talking about paully, my stomach is cast iron and I'm 100% chosen
Dave G. has had food poisoning and an upset stomach for the last 4 years
it's true i'm the farthest thing from a Jew and i throw up on the regular
that fool in the picture is entirely asian...not even ashew
fucking jewish asians and their weak-ass stomachs
I dont know - Jews can eat some pretty nasty shit - Yours truly had to exuse myself from my first and only Rash hashana dinner with my college girlfriend so I could ralph after a mouthfull of gefilte fish - Needless to say, the fam was satisfied when I didnt make it back the next year.
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