DON'T GET FOLDED UP

If I was part of a culture that revered old people, say like, Asian cultures, I wouldn’t write this shit, but since I’m just a regular dude from 1-2-5, ima go head and say old people are the worst, and old Jewish people are the worst of the worst. My building has a good share of senior citizens, a good portion of which are white. My main beef with these old people is the fact that they walk DUMB slow. Not only are they stupid slow, but when I walk by, they stop in their slow ass tracks, clutch their belongings and stare as if my average rate of walking is some sort of unbelievable and terrifying physical feat. Listen old man, the slight breeze I create when I walk by you is not gonna topple you over. And believe me, if I WAS gonna body-slam you, you’d only realize it while you’re looking down from the afterlife at your folded up little body, so there is no need to stop and stare. Also, I haven’t seen a bag/purse snatching since ’88, so relax yourself bro. Of course, it doesn’t end here…you see, it’s the old, sour-faced Jewish dudes that really annoy the shit out of me. Example: I’m waiting for the bus across the street from my building (yeah, I still take the bus…I told you before… I’m livin the American dream), and this little, old, sour-faced Jewish lady walks right up to me and STRAIGHT LEANS ON MY SHOULDER. The bus stop is completely empty and she’s all up on my bozac like there isn’t room for two. So I take a few steps to the side, and what does this lady do??? She decides to slide over as well, and practically rest her frumpy little head on my arm….come on lady!?!? Bottom line….i’m not above folding up senior citizens, so step off the bozac. By the way, none of this applies to old Asian people…those dudes are real official. They’re like 200 years old and you don’t even know it…plus they’ll fold you up just for looking at them the wrong way.