WORK PANTS, or Why you can never be too poor to NOT wear khakis.

The following report was filed by TBR contributer Thunder Dan. [who, for the record looks nothing like the jerkface pictured to the left.....at least not usually.]

Khakis a.k.a. chinos d.b.a. slacks--I don't give a fuck what you call them, I'm never wearing them again. I don't care if they have a flatfront and aren't pleated at the bottom. They look like shit. Coincidentally, PaullyP swears that his high school khaki game was fresh but I didn't know that Bro back then and he's a liar anyhow. Let me explain: These two dudes I work with wore them with their everyguy blue button down shirts on Monday. These dudes looked like straight Blockbuster Video managers, and Bro, they got clowned, as expected.
ME: Do you have the new Townes Van Zandt documentary in stock yet?
THEM: (not amused)
You can't look cool in khakis. My business casual game is weak too, but at least I USUALLY have the decency to put on a pair of fake suit pants [unwashed, I only own two pairs and I ROTATE them daily. Too bad one of them has pinstripes and I got called out the other day-- a la PaullyP's one pair of Levi's (no homo despite the two PP references.)] So, since I have the memory of an NFL cornerback (realshort term, so you forget that you got burned the last play. Its crazy isn't it???- Those guys get beat nine times out of ten, and still come back to the line like they are KING SHIT. Totally confident that they are picking off that next pass...but, I digress) I thought I'd switch it up Wednesday and try my luck with my only pair. I dusted off those 100% cotton motherfuckers and I was so fucking certain that I could pull it off. Let me hit you with the stats: 1) They were a dark dark grey (so I figured I wasn't risking the Blockbuster look); 2) They had 'cool' back pockets (you know, cargo pants style---no, not with the cargo side pockets, you can't wear those to a law firm, silly Bro.) 3) No pleats; 4) No cuffs. I thought I was CASH. Nope. I got straight clowned by everyone. One lawyer told me I looked like I was wearing chaps. She printed out a picture of a cowboy and folded it across my keyboard when I went to the bathroom. Never again. Fuck khakis. I hate you the gap.