WHY I DON’T WORK WITH THE POOP POOR VOLUME 1
I have lived in this god forsaken city for my entire life and therefore [unfortunately] been in a lot of subway stations. I’ve probably spent a good 5 years of my life underground if you tallied it all up. And I swear, there is not a more disgusting subway station than the 103rd street and Broadway stop. Don’t roll your eyes fuckface, let me explain. The 103rd stop has at any particular time no less than 6 cracked out homeless dudes sprawled over as many bench seats as possible. They aren’t your blues singin’ – bucket banging jolly homeless dudes. These motherfuckers are: The covered in birdshit, no shoe wearing, giant sore having, ornery, booger licking, strange growth picking, loogie hocking, hysterically cackling, crackhead pooping kind of homeless dudes. I guess everyone on the west side is too fucking liberal or lazy to get the cops or a fire hose and get these fucks out of the station; so instead, they just run the joint. Yesterday morning I had one of the most terrifying experiences of my life at the aforementioned station. I was running a bit late and wandered down the platform to avoid the mid car crush. I could see that at the very end of the platform this homeless dude had scattered all his filthy belongings on the floor and was kind of huddling behind the garbage bags, chicken wings, newspapers and station columns. “I’m sure he’s doing something positive down there,” I thought. So then I hear the tracks screeching, and that familiar breeze starts to go through the station alerting all to the arriving train. Well, let me tell you. I barely even felt that breeze before I heard a frighteningly horrific scream….i turned and saw about 20 people running towards me, away from the approaching train and back towards the middle of the platform, it was a stampede.…. “LORD JESUS, NO!!!!”- A woman screamed as she covered her nose. Grown men welled up with tears as they rushed by me…What the Fuck? All I could do was partially turn and catch a glimpse of a squatting homeless dudes gross butt cheek before the illest, most foul, rancid smell I have ever, ever ever ever ever experienced overcame me….my knees buckled, my eyes rolled and my stomach heaved. Think danny…think. My brain finally found some spare oxygen- run. RUN YOU FOOL!!!!! The station was being consumed by the smell.....I sprinted back towards the other end of the platform as the rest of the awaiting passengers frantically followed…. A train pulled up and I quickly ducked in, finally able to inhale…. Honestly. I don’t know if the others made it. Women. Children. The elderly. They were all so helpless. Sweet Jesus they’re probably gone.