Subject: Penelope Cruz

This is an email I recieved from my boy a couple of weeks back and I'd thought I'd share it with the TBR audience:

no but seriously do you think she'll marry me? i mean, she's fine and rich, and i have no job, no money, no car that isn't my mom's, no self-love unless it involves lotion, i drink too much, i brush my teeth 5 times a week max, my heart is 64% hate and the rest is indifference, when people talk about "careers" i assume its a joke, wear the same underwear 3 days straight fairly often, as i get older it takes fucking forever to get that last little drop of pee out so mostly i opt for a little drip in the drawers, i've asked out a high school student... as a 25 year old man, once when i tried to quit smoking i was going nuts so i smoked the butts out of a public ashtray, i've been in a million fights as a kid but won maybe 2, i'm afraid of people and physical contact, i have an average to nicely plump dick but it shaped a little weird, i have no hair on my chest except around the nips, i pee in the pool still, my mom still calls me "bubba", my farts are fucking raw , just maybe 4 months ago i let one rip when i was drunk but it was a little more than a fart, i have contemplated saying fuck it and just being homeless, i have gotten multiple strippers numbers but either not had the balls or lost their number before i could call, my dad can still beat me armwrestling and he's 60, i mean WHAT MORE COULD A WOMAN WANT?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?

The Replacments - Beer for Breakfest

The Replacments - Beer for Breakest