SOUTH BY SOUTHWHATEVER

Most of you know that this past week was the highly publicized music "festival" called South by Southwest [or for you lazy jerks "SXSW", or for you douchebags just "South by"]. What you may or may not have known was that TBR sent down a Bro who not only reported on the festivities, but also performed. The Gray Kid was kind enough to take some time away from his current mini tour and speak with us. I actually have him live right now via satellite: TBR: You there?
TGK: No.
TBR: Cool. Lets just hit up this quick Q&A cause i gotta poop. Now, what was the biggest jerk move that you witnessed at SXSW?
TGK: Hmmm.....I’d have to say the biggest jerk move I saw at SXSW was me trying to drive-thru at the walk-up taco truck at 2:45am wasted off tequila, sending the people in line and bits of top sirloin scattering everywhere only to realize the taco truck was called Mexcellent and then feeling bad for doing such a brilliant culinary entrepreneur so much wrong.
TBR: Mexcellent? That's amazing. So what state does Austin really belong in?
TGK: Texas for sure. It’s still a bunch of white people.
TBR: And Texas was Rad because?
TGK: I saw one of those perfect University of Texas pure bred girls with that perfect pure bred ass walking with a complete fucking moron idiot out of a bar full of idiot morons.
TBR: Jocks get all the chicks in Texas.....Why don't hipsters exercise?
TGK: Because they’ve somehow rationalized in their twisted hipster heads that trying to positively affect their appearance by traditional means (running, dieting, not smoking) is a mainstream concept that they need to avoid, while “alternative” means of improving one’s appearance (hair, makeup, clothes) can be justified through their theoretically artistic and/or expressive merits. Meanwhile, these same dumb bitches will ride bikes in 35 degree weather as long as they're vintage Schwinns.
TBR: Agreed. How about your favorite food jumpoff spot in town? [drunk taco spot is an acceptable answer]
TGK:Habana Calle 6, a cuban jumpoff replete with rice and beans OPTIONS with your dish, friend plaintain sandwiches, and NCAA tourney games on. The barbeque I had was solid (the beef ribs, that is. The pork was way average) but the best barbeque in the world could never, ever cost 11.95 for a plate that leaves you legitimately hungry. KC takes the crown, Arthur Bryant's to be specific.
TBR: How about the music? What band definitely stepped their game up and blew the nerd glasses off all those indie mag editors?
TGK:I saw a killer banjo rock n' pop band called Illinois. They're from Philadelphia. Good dude Chris singin' into a telephone during some songs. Rad. Also saw a sick band called Forward Russia. But it's like super 4am scream on you indie rock with chops and rolling around the stage. Not the post-blunt joints really.
TBR: Thanks for the report god body.
TGK: Squalor.