I DON'T GET IT (PLEASE EXPLAIN)

Why would anyone move to New York City ... I mean I realize that some bros are not native, and I aint hating at all ... but I just wonder why anyone would willingly come to this cesspool of torture.

I was riding the train this morning and that joint was a mess: the N was a shit storm and 5 wasn't no better ... You know what New Yorkers response to this was? To act like fucking a-holes pushing and shoving one another, straight "debowing" old ladies for seats ... shoving their fat asses in slivers of blue seats, and then sucking their teeth in frustration that their a-hole behavior really gets them nowhere.

Plus, I mean apartment prices are so fuckin bananas. Dudes basically have a real job to maintain any kind of lifestyle fit for a bro. Dudes have to live "in the midst" to quote Su-Rock or have the smallest apartment known to man or beast. Plus dudes that rent apartments (brokers) are 80% criminal, I remember looking for places with some dude named "Steve", and him telling me "Yo, man I'm working for you, it's in my interest to get you a good deal," "Yo I like you man, I'm gonna find you a dope place" ... Steve, you don’t like me bro, and it aint really in your interest to get me a deal. That shit reminded me of the bootleg drug dealers who used to be Washington Square Park, where they be "yo sick buds, sick buds" ... and basically that shit was the worst marijuana on earth.

Plus right now it is precisely negative infinity degrees out ... I mean L.A. probably got similar problems as NYC but at least that jump-off is warm as shit ...

So that makes me think the reason dudes move here is for "the nightlife." Problem is there is no fuckin culture here ... as me, Danny and Paul were discussing the other night ... the lower east side is basically one big frat party. I mean the difference is minimal between a frat party and an LES bar, ironic shirts be damned. In fact I'd rather be at a frat... at least at frat parties the beer was free and you might get to see to meatheads duff each other out for no particular reason or over some overly make-uped girl from L.I. ... but here it's just like “yo peep me, I do shit that is mad ironic”, and I'm like "yo I'm mad broke" ... and there are gross drunk she-males running wild and beasting out ... The WB (Williamsburg) is basically the same thing, park slope is ok to live but in terms of going out is basically yawn-city, and the rest of the city is basically millionaires-ville, straight ghetto, or Queens which just plain blows.

I mean I guess there are truckloads of museums and galleries, but let's face it most art kinda blows ...

My girlfriend's friend is moving here, dude's a math teacher in New Hampshire or something, driving everywhere, and paying 2 dollars and 50 cents in rent for a mansion(or at least that is what I assume is happening) I really wanna ask son, "Yo dude, you're living the dream, why the fuck do you wanna come here?" Don't get me wrong I'm not mad people wanna come here I just don't get it ...

In fact i respect said dudes cause at least they move, me i straight stew in bitter hatred.

I tried to escape and was living in Taxachusetts post-college ... but then I got sued for this apartment jump-off (that ish was real "My Cousin Vinny" without the crisp Marisa Tomei character to save the day) and was forced to move back home and stack that cake.

So my question is simply: why?
(Obviously somebody (named Robbie Talihan) got a case of the Mondays")

P.S.: Good look to the drunken homeless dude who whipped out his cock and just started pissing in the middle of the train car on my ride home from school, I understand that you have a busy schedule and that you don't have the time to piss in the train station like a normal homeless dude. (No classist, I've decided no homo can be used for anything). Thanks for reaffirming my need to move to an island off Maine. The green is to symbolize me "Hulking out" right now, and the purple is for the ripped pants...