DAVE IS A DANCING MACHINE

As a Bro I know that dudes will get real drunk and say ridiculous things to girls in their blind pursuit of ass. Add to this an extreme amount of alcohol and you may be in for a disaster…One Bro that shall remain anonymous had a bit too much of the sauce and actually asked a girl [in the presence of others] if he could fill 2 of her 3 holes. I wish I was kidding... However, there is something generally accepted, and universally funny about dudes becoming stuttering drunks. This obviously does not apply to women. I’m not saying it's fair, it’s just the truth. If you’re a girl and extremely unattractive, and on top of that piss drunk - drunk to the point where even your friends abandon you at the bar - you are gross and have lost all excuses to not be made fun of by everyone…sorry. Like last night when this staggering drunk who wanted some dude, any dude’s attention was straight up harassing every man in the bar. She was a winner, with classic lines like, "let's go in the corner and have a private dance party," "...I’m not tryin’ to fall in love with you… I jus' wanna hang out and dance…I’ve been in love twice and I married both of them….,” Ummm. Great lady. Hey my buddy [insert sadly unaware friend] likes to dance. Then you point her in the correct direction [Dave’s], and then give her the Big Back technique. Or the even more effective: Big Back and Roll. The Big Back doesn’t really require you to have a big back….but it helps. The technique is rather simple. You are sitting at a bar or booth, someone annoying ends up sitting next to you, you briefly engage in conversation and realize this person is horrible and/or full of shit. So you turn 90 degrees and just give them the big back. Conversation over. Now the Big Back and Roll is more effective cause you straight remove yourself from the situation all together. Like last night when that slurring psychopath wouldn’t leave dudes alone, my bros Rob and Pat both executed the Big Back and Roll to perfection. Except I wasn’t hip to it and got stranded like a jerk- that’s when I pull the real dick move and try to introduce her to a friend…then they start talking and Boom - I Big Back and Roll the fuck outa there.....
So after trying to get on every dude and forcing Dave into a dark corner where he emerged in a pale crying game like silence that he has yet to recover from, she puts her drink on the table and with a wobble manages to slur, “I’M GGGGGOING OUT FFFOR A SSSSSMOKE….DON’T ANYYYY OF YOOUU RUFIE MY DDRINK OKAAAAAYYY…” Eww.