BRO REPORT SPECIAL REPORT

YO
The truth has been uncovered, thanks to the diligent reporting of the fine journalists at El Diario.

Some of you Bros may have witnessed Steven Cooper, aka. The Gray Kid, aka. Yellow Kid 2006, aka., Mohamed al-Mohamed al-f-theUS, looking lean and mean on the Joe’s Pub stage last Thursday night.

If your like this Bro, you may also have gotten piss wasted drinking whiskey, contemplated starting a suicide-pact commune in Vermont, stumbled home, cut through the park while it was closed, got ticketed, verbally abused, and accused of being a doper by 20-year-old cops on Avenue B while unable to defend yourself due to impaired speech, and inconsistent equilibrium.

You then would also have consumed an entire half chicken from the spanish joint on 14th St. and slept upright on your couch in your jeans. In the morning, after dusting the chicken bones off your chest and forcibly expelling the afore mentioned poultry from your system, you would have stumbled down to the bodega to be greeted by a double-epiphany.

1. For the first time in your life, you can individually feel your liver, its burning and having little spazms.

2. The Gray Kid is not, as he would have us believe, living the life of a fledgling pop-icon in LA and he didn't build that fresh new physique by sipping lates, doing pilates and boning playmates in Hollywood for the past four months.
You see, one late New York night a few months back, after one too many Snack Dragon tacos and a near-violent interlude with the sound crew at an unnamed LES club previously panned by yours truly, Coop’s disdain for the American Audio-Indo-Socio-Corporate machine grew to new heights.

There was nothing left to do but go straight John-Walker-Lindh up in this bitch. Three months of intense terrorism training later, Coop’s new identity is finally revealed. He's got a new fire in the eyes but the same signature hairdoo, and he rocks an AK in one hand like his name was Dolph.

The gig is up, Gray Kid. We've informed the CIA, FBI, NSA, and DHS. However, they just told us they were already on it since they've tapping the entire Bro roster since ’05. Figures.