I’m full of rage. Here’s a perfect example of how I came upon this realization. I always go get my lunch at this midtown deli/catering/restaurant place, run by Mexicans serving all sorts of badly prepared Italian dishes. I like this spot, my main man Hector never charges me for cheese, tomatoes and sometimes even roasted red peppers…like I said, this dude Hector is my ace. So I’m shooting the shit with Hector, who speaks about three words of English, while I’m waiting for my delicious roast beef sandwich to be heated up. All of a sudden about five nerd-faced, midtown dudes barge into this spot laughing about whatever the fuck makes dudes like that laugh; The Maxim magazine joke of the week, naked woman, homeless people, whatever. The biggest nerd-face out of all these dudes looks over the counter at the gross Italian dishes prepared earlier that day, and asks my man Hector “hey buddy, do you recommend the Eggplant parmesan or the chicken parm. Are they good? Which one did you prepare last?” Hector looks at me, then turns to this asshole and says repeatedly, “Ehhh…dey are both berry, berry good.” To which this guy responds laughing with his friends, “Maybe I should just flip a coin…hahahah.” At which point I’m thinking maybe I should just grab the back of this fuckers head and smash it into the counter, then repeatedly dunk his head into the eggplant, then the chicken parm…all while saying, “DON’T YOU EVER FUCK WITH HECTOR LIKE THAT.” While this is going on, Hector will jump over the counter and smash the other dudes in the knee caps with his dough roller, while the rest of the kitchen comes out and beats these dudes to bloody pulps. When they leave they’ll all be carrying each other out and say to each other…”Damn, that dude Hector was business”
I’m full of rage. Here’s a perfect example of how I came upon this realization. I always go get my lunch at this midtown deli/catering/restaurant place, run by Mexicans serving all sorts of badly prepared Italian dishes. I like this spot, my main man Hector never charges me for cheese, tomatoes and sometimes even roasted red peppers…like I said, this dude Hector is my ace. So I’m shooting the shit with Hector, who speaks about three words of English, while I’m waiting for my delicious roast beef sandwich to be heated up. All of a sudden about five nerd-faced, midtown dudes barge into this spot laughing about whatever the fuck makes dudes like that laugh; The Maxim magazine joke of the week, naked woman, homeless people, whatever. The biggest nerd-face out of all these dudes looks over the counter at the gross Italian dishes prepared earlier that day, and asks my man Hector “hey buddy, do you recommend the Eggplant parmesan or the chicken parm. Are they good? Which one did you prepare last?” Hector looks at me, then turns to this asshole and says repeatedly, “Ehhh…dey are both berry, berry good.” To which this guy responds laughing with his friends, “Maybe I should just flip a coin…hahahah.” At which point I’m thinking maybe I should just grab the back of this fuckers head and smash it into the counter, then repeatedly dunk his head into the eggplant, then the chicken parm…all while saying, “DON’T YOU EVER FUCK WITH HECTOR LIKE THAT.” While this is going on, Hector will jump over the counter and smash the other dudes in the knee caps with his dough roller, while the rest of the kitchen comes out and beats these dudes to bloody pulps. When they leave they’ll all be carrying each other out and say to each other…”Damn, that dude Hector was business”
4 Comments:
you know, too long reading white on black makes my eyes bleed. but I like your style and the way you wanted to deal with the Hector hectorers.
dude i wanna smash some faces in the name of hector ... viva la hector
Damn right Paul.
Just the other day I was at my favorite dumpling joint on Delancey and Allen when crew of zit faced teenagers sat down and started eating without paying. When my man demanded the cash, they accused him of being racist cause they were Puerto Rican. Like "Oh you assume Im going to steal it cause Im Puerto Rican, Ill pay you in a minute."
They didnt even look Puerto Rican.
I almost went apeshit.
I imagined the same scene you described but with my man hopping over the counter weilding the broomstick like a long bow.
Word. The mental image of your boy wielding a broomstick like a long bow just made me laugh out loud.
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