THE DRUNK MASK! ORDER NOW WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!

Do you have a friend who is an overly violent drunk?
Does he have the incurable "Little Man's Disease?"
Is your friend overly clumsy and prone to being thrown through storefront windows and getting punched in the face?
Does he often come back from the bars bleeding and stitched up?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes then this product is for you.
The Drunk Mask. For only $19.95 you can be a proud owner of The Drunk Mask. Simply follow the included instructions. After your friend has had a drink or two over the violent point [usually this can be identified by your friend getting furious at any stranger who makes even the slightest physical contact] simply slip this mask over his head and fasten the nylon chord around the rear shock absorber [patent pending]. Now no matter how stupid your friend acts he will be safe from sustaining any crippling blows. Further more, the general embarrassment will force him to eventually change his ways. Don't believe me? Just read some testimonials from satisfied customers:
Paul Said: "The Drunk Mask kept me black eye free for six weeks! I also haven't got laid in over two months!"
Evan explained:"Thanks to The Drunk Mask system I haven't fallen on my face in over a month. Well, I did twice, but The Drunk Mask kept me out of the ER! Thank you Drunk Mask!"
The Drunk Mask comes in sizes S [for your Napoleon complex friends], M, L and Super Dome.