all the rage that's fit to spill out

This morning my batteries died in my walkman (that’s right a walkman, not an ipod: What! I'm keeping my shit real 1990s) so I started reading my times (oh yeah I also keep real bourgeoisie liberal). On my train ride from Brooklyn to the Bronx I managed about 4 articles mixed with some looking away in anger, when I look at the floor and let my rage consume me. Here's what I learned: dudes who don't live in Manhattan are getting poorer by the minute; Bush is straight stonewalling dudes on his Katrina response; Alito is basically definitely gonna be confirmed; and some judge is gonna force Google to give my internet searches (I knew I shouldn't have shopped for that dirty bomb online). So I'm sitting on the train and I had a very scary realization, if I was Bruce Banner I would have definitely turned into the Hulk. I realize now that it's only a manner of time before I straight up turn into the Hulk and start wrecking shop.
So be forewarned don't ride the 2 or 5 train rush hour weekdays, cause one day soon I'm gonna straight up explode and turn into a giant green monster with purple pants. But don't worry you can give interviews to the Post and Daily News when they have front covers that read "not so jolly green giant" or whatever other shit they come up with. I’m definitely gonna destroy alotta shit, including but not limited to: twisting the rifle of tanks so they can’t shoot, throwing cars around a lot, straight up lifting building up, and other Hulk type shit. But unlike the Hulk I’m gonna have a straight up political agenda, I’m gonna straight pillage my way to D.C., but the only people harmed with be Republicans (and not even all Republicans just the real crazy ones) ... there will be no innocent bystanders killed because I’m the Hulk, and he don’t kill innocent bystanders.