Who Wants To Fuck With The Joe Man!

All you dudes that think you know who I am and what I do and how I roll......
THINK AGAIN FUCKERS........
I am not who you think I am....
I don't use bottle-openers!
I don't piss in a toilet!
I don't pay for anything!
I get any girl I want!
I wear the dopest, freshest, hottest clothes!
I take whatever I want!
Whenever I want it!
I can scare the shit out of anybody with just one glance!
I can knock out any motherfucker with one swift punch!
I will karate kick any man (or woman) that touches me without my permission!
Basically......
I am the man!

Finally Every Dimension of the Streets

So i was waiting for the uptown 1 train today and to occupy my time i positioned myself in front of the station newsstand so i can catch up on the news [ aka pretending not to read US Weekly and People]. As i leered at Jessica Simpson a young twenty-something lady walked up next to me and scanned the available magazines. She was your average upper west side-frumpy-frizzy haired (**cough***jewish**cough**) chic. You could barely see her face underneath her hair and glasses. She was wearing a green sweater and light blue jeans that were awkwardly one size to big, yet too short to cover her new balance sneakers. I guess you are wondering why i noticed this girl. Well, once she finished browsing around the newsstand she politely asked "I'll have the newest issue of F.E.D.S please." What the fuck? FEDS? I have never see anyone reading that magazine, and the picture in my head of the prospective buyer would be some dude on the bus coming back from Rikers. I couldn't help but stare at her and try to figure out how this frumpy white chick has any interest in stories about R. Kelly's manager, Cocaine dealers in Queensbridge or Dog fighting???? I was considering going up to her and just asking, "Sooooo....FEDS, huh?," but i was too scared of her possibly shanking me in the neck. I'm just saying- it was weird.

Not so perfect form

This is Evan. He is blacked out drunk. Last night he attempted to hit on a girl at the bar by:
1. Slowly banging his head on the table slurring "i lllikkke girrrlss" over and over.
2. By grabbing her book and asking "WHAT IS THIS DIARRHEA?????"

After falling over himself and onto a couple sitting behind us, the young lady being wooed by evan asked me, "please. Can you get him out of here. I think he's going to try to come home with me, and no way is that happening. "

Be nice to joe

People who know joe often describe him as: "unique," "different" or "interesting." I always thought the best word to describe him was "Special"........

Misery With Perfect Form

I DON’T have cake (while others pretend otherwise). I DO live with my parents (they don’t want me here). I DID get a Buddha statue for Christmas (I can’t sit Indian-Style so forget meditating). I DON’T have any pictures of vaginas (although I like them). I DO smoke cigarettes (and I think god might hate me). But I DO have perfect form. Now What?

Would You Rather

In honor of my first blog entry (i guess when you work with a bunch of retards you turn into one)

Would you Rather................

Catch the rare disease called Elephantitis or Get caught stealing in Indonesia and get Caned for 12 hours


Thats pretty Harsh

god hates me

so i've been smoking cigarettes since the beginning of time (let's just say i owned the tape-single of "rumpshaker" at the time), and lately I been think I should try and quit. Lung cancer don't sound to crisp to me. So my plan is to give it a shot at the end of January. You know get me some of that Wellbutrin jumpoff and some Nicorette gum and just lock myself in a room with a bottle of dewars. so I was talking and think about this plan a lot yesterday, right, and I think tobacco try to exact it's revenge. so this morning I'm walking to work smoking, holding a newspaper and umbrella. I had my bag on my shoulder and the joint started slipping a bit, so I take my hand with a cigarette in and try and get it back on my shoulder ... All of a sudden my neck is struck with a searing pain, I get my hand on there and somehow the cherry fell on my neck ... Now I have a circular burn on my neck, and the shit fuckin hurts. so to sum up cigarettes are a vengeful god.

Lootcakes

Seriously, ya’ll might not know this, but my brother and I are cake-aholics…we stack lootcakes. I don’t know if you know what a lootcake is, but its rather simple; its cake, money that only real hustlers make. Its that focus group, mailroom, temp-job loot. You might be asking, if you’re so caked out, how come you live with your moms? Again, there’s a simple explanation for this…you don’t spend lootcakes, you stack em. So remember, when you see me at the bar asking for two bills, its not that I don’t have the loot, its that I’m stacking them lootcakes. On a side note, Camron is a genius.

Danny's Species of the Week

Most everyone has run into this marine species in his or her forays into the ocean and or public pools in or around the New York City area. It is sometimes a plastic bag, other times an actual diaper, But make no mistake, when you are swimming and it rubs against your arm or leg....the shit is straight gross. I'm talking about the ferocious:

Diaper Shark: di-a-per shark. n.

1. Any of numerous chiefly marine carnivorous pieces of garbage of the class Huggies or pampers (subclass superplus), which are sometimes large and voracious and have a streamlined extra exorbitant body, a large poop or garbage filled interior, and a plastic skin covered with small pieces of things that are gross and weird.
2. Often accompanied by the smaller yet equally voracious Band-Aid Fish [ a species most often located in the various public pools within the 5 boroughs].

pure evil

i know its Christmas time and we are supposed to exalting Jesus and shopping and shit ... but I mean look at the fucking pope, the dude looks real evil, bro. I'm not going to lie to you, if this is the holiest man in the world I think I'm going to stick to being an atheist (peace to bams for sending me pic)

REAL TALK

"Ayo my whole life I heard, 'Go to school, get an education, go to college.' What the fuck for? So I can get a job making 30,000 a year? Pay back my student loans? Plus, how the fuck am I gonna buy Lamborghinis, Ferraris and go to Miami ten times a year!?" - Cam'ron

Hannukah Harry

YAAALLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAA YAAALLLLAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a jewface also, but....

In keeping with my marginally racist, anti-anything personality, I wanted to address the party thrown by Heeb magazine on Christmas Eve, entitled Heebonism. (Dave, I apologize in advance). First off, I’m half Jewish so I can say what I want about how retarded this event is. Throwing a Jew party on Christmas Eve is like a bunch of Canadians throwing a party on July 4th. Guess what? Nobody cares that you guys can’t take part in the festivities, so don’t be such babies about it. You don’t see us throwing weirdo Gentile bashes on Yom Kippur, or Rosh Hashanah…because we don’t give a shit! Also, I happen to know that the barbacks and/or bartenders working at this event are probably not Jewish, so not only do you guys look like the assholes not invited to a birthday party (it is a birthday party after all), you make some poor Mexicans work overtime while everyone else gets to celebrate the birth of the Lord. Why don’t you guys go home and cry your jewfaces to sleep, and in the morning you can wake up and continue running Hollywood, Wall Street, and everything else.

Joe looks confused

Don't worry joe. This picture confuses me also.

Bowling + Beer Drinking

You know you've had a wonderful night when you can say that you alone have almost drinkin' an entire case of Miller High Life bottled beers. And not only were they very very testy, they also proved to be an amazing subject for your camera. If only beer drinking could be a profession that one could feel great about when telling others what he or she does for a living.
We could form a union of beer drinking brothers and if our pensions or salaries we ever tested by our employers we could just sit down and stop drinking beer. Now think of what that would do to this city...

On another note, I think we should get a big group of people together and go bowling in Brooklyn.... And of course there will be a lot of beer drinking while we are bowling......

intelligent cause rather than an undirected process

Here’s a pic of me committing a slower form of suicide after I learned that intelligence design cannot be taught in schools

Don't do it Rob!!!

This picture was taken only seconds before Rob attempted to prove that just like evolution gravity was only a "theory."

This Woman is an Asshole

"GRETCHEN MAVROVOUNIOTIS considered the theme songs from "Ghostbusters" and "Footloose" before settling on "Can't Stop the Music" by the Village People. The disco beat, she said, is the best for her dance partner, since it best shows off his forward weave and counterclockwise turns.

"What I like," she said, "is fast-paced music to keep up his enthusiasm, so he doesn't get bored and just plod along. I also look for music where you have transitions, where you can put in some of the flashier moves, like back up, turn around and back through my legs."

Ms. Mavrovouniotis, you see, dances with her dog."

This article from the NY Times really got me thinking...this country is full of assholes. Its not only the retards who think there's a "war on Christmas," or that teaching evolution is a liberal plot (aka jewish plot) to eradicate our god-sent American values, it's this woman who really pushes my buttons. This woman, and her clearly terrified dog, represent all that is wrong with America. Hey lady, fuck you and your dog!

www.worldcaninefreestyle.org

Me And My Little Friend In Hanoi

This is a man that I met in Hanoi around 7:00 am the day we were flying to Bangkok.
He was small. And he made me feel really big and normal and well, pretty perfect actually.
I know that is kind of wrong but heh, at least I am being honest right...
He started talking to me and telling me that he wanted to start a foundation in Vietnam for "little people" and that he also wanted to go to America and meet little people there.
And throughout the whole conversation he never once asked for any dong, which is the name for Vietnamese currency. But I did do a little spelling correction on some of his papers that he had in his little folder. And I also gave him my email address...... But the little fucker hasn't even emailed me since I met him..... And I have these photos of me and him that I want to send him sometime...... Look how little he is.........

The good old days

I took the above picture back when crazy people had a place to take naps.

Damn. Today I took a brisk 120 block walk to the crib. It wasn't too sweet. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of copping a few of those dope McDonald's breakfast sandwiches and a Daily News. But once I got to the 70th street Micky-doodles [the other Micky-D's on 42 wasn't open til' 10am] I was unable to truly enjoy this delicious breakfast treat, and the reason being: this selfish transit worker strike. How is this possible? No man can enjoy his mcMuffin when surrounded by smelly, drunk, snoring, piss stained homeless people, and with this illegal strike the transit workers have denied the wonderful homeless and dangerously insane of this city a proper place to sleep, harass and shit. So now these motherfuckers are chilling at my Micky-Ds, stopping me from enjoying my hash brown. This Shit is just wrong. Anyway. I will say the biscuit - bacon - egg and cheese is the only true reason to get out of the house before 10 am.

....New York Is Awesome....

So I was at this Time Out Magazine Party
pretending I was the photographer. The drinks were
flowing and by 8 pm I was running around with a big smile
on my face. Then I saw this guy sitting with his big buddy
on a bench nearby. I just wanted to go over to him and say
"Damn, you look so funny!" Instead, I went over and said "Heh,
Do you mind if I take your photograph?" And they quickly agreed.
Does the guy have a neck at all?... This is another example of how
amazing, diverse, funny, strange, and colorful this beautiful city of
ours is. And also that if you lose all your hair and don't have any
fashion style (or a neck for that matter), you can still be a
smiling guy with a friend to speak to at a cool, hip party.

tranist strike

I should preface this that at this point the transit strike means nothing to me ... I work from home (and by home I mean my girlfriend's house) once a week anyway, so this strike don't really matter to me, but I aint so self-involved to think it doesn't mean shit to other people ... so I been going back and forth, generally I say working people/middle class people in this country are fucked in the ass and that aint right, but then I see that these MTA dude don't do bad compared to other workers ... yeah sure they die early, but I mean they work for less years so in my head it all even outs. cause I mean work is basically a living death ... so I got home after a couple of beers and pool with some other crackhead hating mother fuckers I know, and turn on the ol puter and look and the times and the motherfuckers tell me this: "Yet for all the rage and bluster that followed, this war was declared over a pension proposal that would have saved the transit authority less than $20 million over the next three years." Let me tell something about 20 million bucks it aint shit, this one day of striking cost millions and millions more... it makes me wanna stab somebody in the throat, and by somebody I mean just about anybody, mta worker, executive, union rep whatever ... I mean to put a whole city thru this for a piddling about money is foul, bro. I couldn't even read the rest; they had some numb nut for the Manhattan institute (which is a place where if everyone who worked there dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow we’d be better off) blah blah blah about something, but a dude like me had to skip it. MTA your are now the 47 million person on my shit list prepare for a barrage of angry letters (i know they are shaking in their boots now) ... to sum up "that shit be getting me tight, son!"

THE GRAY KID SPEAKS THE TRUTH

The Gray Kid's post details the definition of irony.

RELAXATION TECHNIQUES

It's weird how grown men act--macho, proprietary, territorial. We fight for women, scrape for pride, and subvert ourselves for money. But when it comes to recommending a doctor, it's a piece of cake. "Here's his number." "Give him a call." "He's really good." "My whole family uses him." The funny thing about this --and I mean the awkward, unbelievable, unmistakably ironic thing--is that we're virtually saying to each other, man to man, bread-winner to bread-winner, silverback to silverback is: HE FEELS MY BALLS, SO HE CAN FEEL YOURS.

You can find more of his insightful observations at http://www.graykid.com/blog/

I Kill Crackheads

My roommate Pete brought these stickers back from Austin, Texas last night.... We like them a lot. How many times do you want to kill the crackheads in your neighborhood? Huh.......
We did a lot of things today....... But we were still able to pencil in this elaborate photo shoot in my apartment this afternoon..... Do you like my gut?

What a dick

This is an actual answer that Bush gave when questioned about the Patriot Act and Illegal Wiretapping:

"Let me say something about the Patriot Act, if you don't mind. It is inexcusable for the United States Senate to let this Patriot Act expire. You know, there's an interesting debate in Washington - and you're part of it - that says: Well, they didn't connect the dots prior to September the 11th - they being not only my administration but previous administrations.I understand that debate. I'm not being critical of you bringing this issue up and discussing it. But there was also - you might remember, if you take a step back, people were pretty adamant about hauling people up to testify and wondering how come the dots weren't connected. Well, the Patriot Act helps us connect the dots. And now the United States Senate is going to let this bill expire - not the Senate; a minority of senators. And I want senators from New York or Los Angeles or Las Vegas to go home and explain why these cities are safer. It is inexcusable to say, on the one hand, connect the dots and not give us a chance to do so. We've connected the dots - are trying to connect the dots with the NSA program. And again, I understand the press and members of the United States Congress saying, Are you sure you're safeguarding civil liberties? That's a legitimate question and an important question. And today I hope I helped answer that. But we're connecting dots as best as we possibly can."

Bro, Sorry to Inform You

Unfortunately, I have to inform all of you of a simple truth: women aren’t funny…At all…Even your girlfriend. They’re funny to laugh at, and they do funny things, but all in all, 90% of women are just not funny. I was informed of this universal truth during my junior year of college when I was laughing hysterically at some girl, which prompted my friend to come up to me as serious as can be and say, “my man, what’s your problem?” He explained to me that there was no possible way that girl was that funny. Which was true. Whether you know it or not, you’re only laughing at a women’s jokes if you’re trying to get laid. Another weird thing about this theory, is that when you try to explain it to a girl they immediately try to convince you they are funny by sleeping with you: which oddly enough is kinda funny. And they will always say, “Well, you’re not funny!” Which you reply, “I wasn’t saying I was funny, I’m just saying that you’re not funny.” Women can’t seem to wrap their brains around that one. Of course, this whole theory doesn’t apply to a girl named Melissa, who responded to my theory by saying, “I don’t know what you’re talking about nigga, I’m fucking hilarious,” Which she is.

Summer time twistedness

Steve, Paul, Joel, Josh, Danny, Kara and three foot black midget with a pool que.

HOLY SMOKES

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=515642196227308929&q

Is Gay The New Retarded?

Heath Ledger’s tight-lipped performance as a repressed gay cowboy in "Brokeback Mountain" seems sure to catapult him to the realms of acting royalty even as Dick Cheney (R.-Wyo.) scrambles to explain decades worth of fishing trips in undisclosed Wyoming locations.
And who could argue?
Performances by this true "Cinderella Boy" and his willing femme Jake Gyllenhaal are convincing indeed. In fact, when semi-violent sodomy erupts 20 minutes into the flick, its almost like thier not acting at all.
But still, all this Oscar talk begs the question, has playing gay replaced playing retarded as Hollywood’s Oscar "ace in the hole" To find out, a short walk down Oscar lane is in order:

The rash of retarded oscar winners/noms began in 1988, going to Dustin Hoffman for his role in "Rain Man". Though Hoffman was no newcomer, he broke the genre open for a slew of unkonwns to capitalize with variations on the theme.

1993 - Leonardo DiCaprio as a retarded adolescent in "What's eating Gilbert Grape";
*1996 - Billie Bob Thornton as a challenged murderer in "Slingblade", this pig-faced hick not only received an oscar nomination but went on to bed both Agelina Jolie and Holly Berry;
*1996 - John Malcovich in "Of Mice and Men"
2001 - Sean Penn in "I am Sam" - nominated but did not win. Already the tides were turning . . .

In *2003, Charlese Theron won her landslide Oscar for playing a fat whore who rubs rugs with Christina Ricci while slaughtering some 40 men in "Monster", thus dawning a new era homo dominated acting honors.

So is Ledger as much a sure-shot for an Oscar as he was for Gillenhaul?

NO

There is one other factor at work here. Astericts in the list entries denote retards and or homos who were also murderers. Without this key combo nothing is definite.

One thing is certain, Hollywood’s finest and most shameless will be clamouring to get a piece of this unexplored goldmine of acting acclaim. Some upcoming roles to look for:

Luke and Owen Wilson as Bowie and Jagger in "Start Me Up",
Nick Cage and Bill Paxson as down and down airline pilots in "Mile High"
Vin Deisel in "Chelsea Club Doorman"
Tom Cruise as himself

Sundays are for Bacon and Rage.

Had one of those Fridays that basically ended/ruined my entire weekend. Besides a ridiculous drunken adventure that led me to 5 or 6 different venues, i eventually returned to Brooklyn where there was a party coming to an end at Kara' s apartment. Several bands performed including Japanther. The sweet part being that some jerk had went into kara's room [she was at work for the entire night] and stole a bag of christmas gifts that she had bought and wrapped for her trip to indiana on tuesday. Nevermind that it's really, really not cool of her roommates not keeping her stuff safe while she was away, but the fact that someone would actually steal wrapped up gifts from someone's room is fucked. Good job fuckface you just stole a couple of children's books for her friend's 2 year old son. Wow. I hope you wake up and hate yourself in the morning. "Happy holidays..i stole your son's children's books." Great. You're a dick.

Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Game

When you live at home with your parents, i mean your mother and your fat stepdad, you have to demand respect. Don't come in my room unannounced mom, can't you see i'm trying to do some push-ups!!! Damn mom, loan me $10!! Rent? Any leftovers? See what i'm saying...I demand respect from my peers because i demand respect from my moms. She knows if the doors locked and the volume on the TV is real low, I just might be watching some Cinemax...respect that! She knows when I ask for 10 bills I just might go around the corner and cop a bacon egg and cheese. These were the thoughts that were going through my head while I was delivering mail at my job. I just knew that my demeanor and my lifestyle demanded respect. Respect my shit...because i'm living the life you all dreamed of.

I found a two dollar bill, which makes me think about...

The two dollar bill at the center of this story was not much different than the one pictured above. With the exception being that scribbled around the border were intense thoughts of love and devotion by Joe's girlfriend, in a style and level of emotion only a fellow Hampshire literature major could truly appreciate. Joe carried this 2 dollar bill around in his wallet for years. However several summers ago on a road trip across the country Joe parted ways with his prized 2 dollar bill...but that's because Evan got really drunk, stole my car in the middle of the night [even though dude cannot drive and had no license] and drove off into rural Indiana in search of a late night snack. Well somehow he found a gas station, but he was completely out of money [ 5 years later dude still doesn't have a fucking dime in his pocket]. But Evan is persistent. Not one to give up on a delicious late night treat. [when Evan sleeps over someone's house you can generally find a trail of crumbs and/or mustard from the refrigerator-to the couch-and out the door. I woke up one morning to find a semi-frozen package of Italian sausages in the toaster oven...still wrapped in plastic....in the toaster oven. I think he also ate an entire bottle of capers]. Anyway, Joe happened to forget his wallet in the car that night and Evan stumbled upon it after rummaging through the glove compartment. He took out the 2 dollar bill and bought a bag of reese's pieces, and then scarfed them down in the car and fell asleep....with the lights on. When he emerged from this sleep it was 3 in the morning and the car would not start. After getting a jump he somehow found his way back to where we were staying [all the while only managing to lose one of my hubcaps]. That morning I woke up and had no idea that he had even taken my car that night [I thought he passed out in another room] and I don't think Evan realized that he had spent Joe's 2 dollar bill until hours later when Joe opened his wallet to discover it missing. That was a funny apology. "Uhhhhh....yeah, sorry dude I spent your 2 dollar bill"...."What did I spend it on?" ....."errr....on some candy...." I guess the moral of the story is that Reese's Pieces are delicious....And Joe was being real gay carrying a 2 dollar bill around in his wallet for so long.

Keepin' it Gangster since forever

I don't know about you other fools. But we've been kickin it on 125th for decades. Gangster Starter/Game hats. Gap parkas. Doc martins. Recognize. [Never mind the amount of times Evan, Joe and Danny got robbed on the block. This picture is actually the longest amount of time anyone back then spent on 125th street without running for our lives.]

P.S. Joe was real big back in the day. What happened?

Wierd Science

I made her, hot or not?

Q: Can you pick out which picture is of paul?

A: They're all pictures of paul.

I find these things fucking hilarious (no homo)

SomeMORE facts about Chuck Norris, that we all should have known already:

1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

2. Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

3. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

4. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

5. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

6. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

7. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

8. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

9. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

10. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

11. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

12. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

13. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."

14. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

15. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

16. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.17. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

18. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

19. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful soliude. Sundays are for oral $ex, KFC and Tequila.

20. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

21. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

22. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.

23. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

24. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

25. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

26. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.27. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

28. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

29. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

30. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

31. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.32. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

33. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's $hit.

34. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

35. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

The christmas spirit is alive and well

Someone strung up rudolph from a tree....and bleeding.

If you live on the west side go say hi to steve

Peep this retard

I apologize for the "immature" posting, but honestly, this dude is the worst. Why do retards like Joe torre get to carry an Olympic torch. What exactly did he do to deserve that honor? More importantly, I think Danny will look exactly like Joe Torre when he's older.

Sarcastic Holiday Wishes

Do you have a 12 year old cousin from San Antonio? A 40-something uncle from Pennsylvania? Are you unsure what to buy them for Christmas. Well nothing says love [and ignorance!] like these wonderful t-shirts. They come in all sizes, [including XXXXXXL because no one is ever too old, tall or fat to look like a toddler] and are reasonably priced. Your relatives will never feel more gangster.

On another note.......
If you fellow eastcoasters are trying to avoid this frigid weather, you know there is nothing better than curling up at home with a good book. Perhaps poetry. I myself will be embracing the warm glow of my laptop and breaking down the eloquence of this man's poetry. Genius. Browse his collected works here. Happy Holidays no homo.

I made a bottle...

i don't know if this is the kinda shit you put on blogs ...

But i need at least three of these

















oh my boy josh (no homo) sent me this thing and it's business... you set the starting point on your route. When you click on another point, the program will display the shortest subway route between those two points, including walking time http://www.brail.org/transit/nycgoogle.html

The Job Fairy

Just when you think nothing will come your way, that there is no possibilty that you'll get a good job, take your pathetic bank statement and put it under your pillow. The Job fairy will visit you. The next morning you will wake up in a shirt, tie and a job. Oh..almost forgot.... you will also be able to fly.

The Broke Report

I really think that i should re-title this blog, the broke report. Honestly. I'm at that weird point in the day where i have made all of my job related phone calls, emails etc. and am left with nothing but the pure satisfaction of being broke. Speaking of broke i saw brokeback mountain last night [sure. No gay cowboys. Ever]. It was playing at the theater on 11th and 3rd. I have never left that theater without suffering severe spinal discomfort. The seats are the worst, there is absolutely no leg room and for some reason the place smells like diapers and ham. The movie was really good but it literally broke my back.

lettuce

yesterday i wanted a burger. But than evan posted a picture of a giant cock inches from my face. Pretty cool, pretty,pretty, pretty cool. so today i want lettuce. On a side note can you pick out which moron is joe? And why are australians so bugged out?

Dental work is important