Not so perfect form

This is Evan. He is blacked out drunk. Last night he attempted to hit on a girl at the bar by:
1. Slowly banging his head on the table slurring "i lllikkke girrrlss" over and over.
2. By grabbing her book and asking "WHAT IS THIS DIARRHEA?????"

After falling over himself and onto a couple sitting behind us, the young lady being wooed by evan asked me, "please. Can you get him out of here. I think he's going to try to come home with me, and no way is that happening. "