I'm a jewface also, but....

In keeping with my marginally racist, anti-anything personality, I wanted to address the party thrown by Heeb magazine on Christmas Eve, entitled Heebonism. (Dave, I apologize in advance). First off, I’m half Jewish so I can say what I want about how retarded this event is. Throwing a Jew party on Christmas Eve is like a bunch of Canadians throwing a party on July 4th. Guess what? Nobody cares that you guys can’t take part in the festivities, so don’t be such babies about it. You don’t see us throwing weirdo Gentile bashes on Yom Kippur, or Rosh Hashanah…because we don’t give a shit! Also, I happen to know that the barbacks and/or bartenders working at this event are probably not Jewish, so not only do you guys look like the assholes not invited to a birthday party (it is a birthday party after all), you make some poor Mexicans work overtime while everyone else gets to celebrate the birth of the Lord. Why don’t you guys go home and cry your jewfaces to sleep, and in the morning you can wake up and continue running Hollywood, Wall Street, and everything else.